Jasdebi meets the Varia
by crackness.and.madness
Summary: What will happen when accidentally the Jasdebi meets up with the Varia? Discover it:) *HIATUS*


**Warning: Crackness ahead, enter at your own risk~**

**This was just some random thing I thought one day, so well.. Enjoy it:)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Jasdevi neither the Varia, or anything.**

**May contain grammar or spelling error, sorry for that:/**

******And, if you're reading this, Review, Follow and Favorite or the Varia and the Jasdebi will kill you:3**

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**Jasdevi meets the Varia~**

It all started in a pub at the outskirts of a town in Italy. Two "superhumans" known as Noah were looking for a particular General of the Dark Order. They have failed many times, but have not yet given up. In all of those attempts they have ended or washing dishes or the floor of certain places, all mysteriously managed by chubby and scary women, and this time wasn't the exception.

"RUN! RUN! RUN!"

A chubby woman was chasing after the twins, who were desperately running away using a carriage, with Jasdero as a horse.

"Come here! You two! Cross Marian said you'll pay his debts!"

"No way old and ugly woman! We have worked more than enough!" Debitto stuck out his tongue in a childish way while he was fleeing.

"What did you say?" a murderous aura surrounded the woman, she exhaled smoke from her nose and in a second she was chasing at full speed the duo.

"You'll never catch us, hee hee."

"Jasdero! Faster" Debitto screamed when he saw that the distance separating them was getting shorter.

"Cross wasn't in that place either" Jasdero said while he tried to run a bit faster.

"Concentrate on getting away! Wait!" the blond stopped making Debitto fell to the wood floor.

"Why did you stopped?!" he exclaimed after recovering.

"You said wait so I just stopped hee hee."

"Keep moving!" Jasdero continued his horse duty work, "I got an idea" Debitto pulled out his gun and charged a blue ball on it, "Deal with this, old woman" he aimed to the woman's feet and pulled the trigger. The blue bullet hit the ground and everything, including the woman's legs, froze. The twins took this opportunity to escape, and they didn't miss this chance to mock of the woman.

**. . .**

**. . .**

After the persecution, they arrived to an odd and eerie place, but that place was the next in Cross' debts, so they didn't have any other place to go. An ad reading 'Mafialand' was on the entrance, but they didn't give so much importance to that.

This was the mafia favorite place to take vacations, because Mafialand had an incredible amusement park, a beach, a casino, some restaurants, and everything a mafia person needs.

While they walked, the guns never left their heads.

"Hey Debitto, do you think Cross is around here?" Jasdero asked feeling uneasy. This place didn't look like one of the places Cross frequented.

"Yes, yes, yes, Jasdero! The more recent debts come from this place!" he said showing the huge bills of Cross.

The blond Noah took a closer look and after that, he said: "That's right. We all have to look for alcohol and girls and we'll find Cross for sure."

The duo kept walking trying to look for a hint about Cross' whereabouts, but no matter to where they looked, they could only see people with guns, weird pets, swords, and any other kind of weapon. When they were about to give up, they sniffed something that smelled like…

"ALCOHOL!" the blond Noah exclaimed.

"You see? You see? You see? I told ya'! Cross is around here!"

They ran toward the direction of the alcohol.

**. . .**

**. . .**

Meanwhile, at the other corner of Mafialand…

"VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI! STUPID BOSS! MAKING ME BUY THIS STUPID WINE!"

Squalo's screams could be heard in every corner of Mafialand, but every person was so scared of him that they just let him be.

The Varia had a very good reputation of 'if you breathe the same air as us, you're dead'.

After walking for a while, he stopped, making sure that he bought the right brand Xanxus love. The last time he bought another kind of wine and instead of a 'thank you' he received a lot of flying cups and flower pots.

After making sure he bought it, he sighed and kept walking.

It didn't take so much time before some weird gray-skinned twins running at full speed, leaving a track of dust and smoke behind, appeared before him.

"Stop right now!" Debitto pointed him with his gold gun, but the gray-haired just ignored them and kept walking.

"Don't ignore us!"

"VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI! WHAT'S UP WITH YOU, TRASH? WHAT DO YOU WANT?! DO YOU WANT TO BE CUT INTO SLICES?!" a grin appeared on Squalo's face when he showed his sword-arm to the twins, who shiver a little of the terrible sight.

"Wait…" they approached him and began to glance at every part of him.

"Gray hair…"

"A stupid face…"

"Buying alcohol…"

"You must be Cross' apprentice!"

**. . .**

**. . .**

In the Dark Order…

Allen, Lavi and Lenalee were doing some research work about the Innocence, and, without warning, Allen sneezed, startling Lavi and Lenalee, who jumped of their seats.

"Allen! Don't scare me like that!"

"Allen-kun, are you alright?"

"Yeah. Maybe I just catch a cold" he said while cleaning his running nose.

**. . .**

**. . .**

Returning to Mafialand…

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!"

"Come on, be a good boy and tell us where your Master is" Debitto kept aiming him with his gun just in case the 'apprentice' tried to escape, but knowing Squalo's behavior, that was not an option to him.

"STOP FUCKING WITH ME!"

"Hey Jasdero, time to plan B, the 'make-the-stupid-apprentice-talk!"

"WHAT?!" Squalo asked but was quickly silenced with a really, really smelly gray bullet.

"That's not all, hee hee! This bullet is so smelly that we won't loose your track so easily" Jasdero said while showing him a fish-shaped bullet, gray in color.

Another bullet hit Squalo's face. And a third one, and a fourth one.

"You're ready to tal…" Debitto shut up when Squalo jumped to slice both of them, but the gray-haired turned to the right in mid-air to evade some flying knives launched to his direction.

"Ushishishi, hey, Captain Squalo, why are you taking so long? The boss is really mad."

"Hey Debitto, look, maybe is part of their plan to cover Cross" the blond Noah aimed at Bel's forehead.

"Yeah. Tell us were Cross is or we'll kill both of you!"

"Kill?" an unusual huge smile appeared on Bel's face, "You can't kill a prince."

"Prince? I don't see any prince" the blond Noad said trying to find the supposed prince, not noticing Bel's growing rage.

"What did you say?!"

The big quarrel was about to start but the bullets, knives, sword, rocks, ice, and everything they threw inlayed in a weird frog cap.

"Sempais…" Fran said with his monotone voice, but freaking out a bit when he felt a lot of stranger things on his head, "Why are you fighting here?"

"Eh? Another freak? What's up with you guys?" Debitto asked widening his eyes. 3 freaks, and no Cross around.

"Cross? Where's Cross?" Jasdero asked pointing everyone on sight.

"Cross? We don't know any Cross" Fran answered showing no expression at all.

"You're lying! You're definitely lying! Liar! Liar! Liar!" Jasdero aimed his gun to the frog boy's forehead, but the mint-haired just watched him with boredom.

"We're not lying" Fran tried to defend himself.

"TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASHHHH! WHERE THE HECK AREEE YOUUUUU?!" a huge wild scream came out from the Varia's room.

Everyone stared each other in fear, and after swallowing hard, the awkward silence was broken.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! What was that just now?" Debitto wondered.

"I didn't know this place have ogres, hee hee."

"Tsh, leave them Fran, we don't have time to lose with such commoners" Bel took the hood on Fran's uniform and, almost choking him, dragged him to the Varia's place.

"Bel-sempai… you're choking me…"

"THAT STUPID BOSS! CAUSING RUCKUS EVERYWHERE WE GO!"

"You're the one to talk."

"SHUT UP, BEL!"

"Air…" Fran was about to faint, but the prince didn't care about it.

A cold breeze passed between Jasdevi. The Varia easily forgot about them and that caused the twins' fury.

They were about to kill each one of them, but a very well-known voice scared them.

"You two! Cross Marian said you'll pay his debts!" the chubby woman was still following their steps.

The Jasdevi didn't forgot about the Varia, but they had priorities, so they ran as fast as they could in order to escape from that scary woman.

**. . .**

**. . .**

The Varia entered the room but were welcomed by flying cups and shots of flames.

"VOOOOOOOOOOOOI! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! STUPID BOSS! HERE YOU GO, YOUR FUCKING WINE!" Squalo threw the bottle, which almost clash with the floor, if it weren't for Levi, who made a ridiculous cart-wheel trying to gain his boss attention in the attempt to save the bottle, but Xanxus was distracted and didn't saw a thing of Levi's show.

"Here you go, boss!" Levi handed over the bottle to his boss. Xanxus, without looking at him, snatched the bottle and kicked him for taking so long.

"That must hurt~" said Bel who was enjoying the scene, "By the way, where's Mammon?"

"He went to the casino~" Lussuaria said and after sniffing Squalo he held his nose and exclaimed: "Oh Squalo~! You smell so bad! What happened?"

"SOME PUNKS THREW ME SOME SHITTY THINGS!"

"You can't smell like that! Let me help you!" he went for some perfume.

When Lussuria returned Squalo really freaked out when he sniffed the perfume. Squalo preferred to smell like a tuna than like flowers! So he just cut the bottle in two and all the perfume went to the floor.

"I am prepared for this cases~" Lussuria grabbed more perfumes and chased after Squalo who really hated flowers (Xanxus caused him a trauma from throwing so many flower pots).

"Bel-sempai, should we help?" Fran asked to the prince, since they were just watching the scene.

"Umm… No, let them be."

"You're noisy" Xanxus threw more flowing pots to them. Squalo and Lussuria barely managed to evade them, and finally, when the swordman was on the floor, Lus put some perfume on him.

"You're sick" was everything Squalo said.

"Scum, where's my meat?" Xanxus talked after making Levi to fill up a cup with wine.

"MEAAT?!" Squalo didn't know what he meant, "YOU ONLY TOLD ME TO BUY WINE!"

Xanxus glared and threw him the cup of wine. The gray-haired had to duck to evade the flying cup, which clashed with the wall and become shards.

"STOP THROWING THE WINE I JUST BOUGHT!"

"Go and buy some meat" he got up of his chair and yawned.

"WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU GOING?!"

Xanxus didn't answer, he just went to his room and closed with great force the door, and after some seconds, the rest of the Varia could hear the snores of his boss.

"Well, I'm going" Lussuria said opening the door.

"Where are you going?" asked Fran with 'curiosity'.

"To find some pretty guys~"

"In that case I'm also leaving. And before you ask Fran" he said after throwing some knives to the frog boy, "I'm just going to sharp my knives, so prepare yourself" the mint-haired swallowed hard after hearing that.

"YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE! YOU HAVE TO BUY THE MEAT FOR THE STUPID BOSS!"

"Technically he told you to buy it" Levi said, but gained another kick for the comment.

"See you, captain."

"Bye Squalo~"

Both members rushed trying to evade buying the meat for the boss, because, after all, they were on vacations and they wanted to enjoy them.

"Well then, I'm also leaving" Fran said before going as well.

"LEVI! WAKE UP! WE'RE GOING YO BUY SOME MEAT!"

"But who will take care of the boss?"

"THAT STUPID MAN CAN TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF, NOW, MOVE!" Squalo grabbed Levi and threw him to the door, opened it and threw him again to the elevator. He kept doing the same thing until they reached the store that was so damn far. Levi couldn't feel his body anymore.

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**This was supposed to be a one-shot but when I wrote it, it was so big so I better made it with little chapters. So, how was it, weird? funny? bad?**

**Please review c: I want to get better and only your help can help me~**


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